"I'm clearly not inferior, but when I stand in front of people, I feel like everyone is laughing at me."
"I really want to make friends, but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and being disliked, so I just ignore everyone."
"No one listens to me when I talk at home, so I gradually don't feel like talking anymore."
Many teenagers have experienced these inner conflicts, but they are rarely noticed by their parents.
Oscillating between self-confidence and self-contempt, finding themselves in dilemmas in interpersonal relationships, and being neglected for extended periods within their families - these threefold predicaments are silently draining the psychological energy of many children.
The first tug: oscillating between confidence and inferiority
Adolescence is a critical period for the establishment of self-identity, during which children's self-evaluation is extremely unstable
After doing well in an exam, one feels "omnipotent", but after failing an exam, one feels "worthless"
This kind of vacillation is a normal part of the growth process, but if one persists in self-denial, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not deserving," for an extended period, they may easily fall into a state of low self-esteem, which can affect their emotional state.
What parents need to be wary of is not their children's occasional self-doubt, but persistent self-deprecation, mistrust of praise, and giving up on trying for fear of failure. The most effective support at this time is not the hollow "You are great", but specifically seeing the child's effort process and helping him distinguish between "I didn't do well this time" and "I am not good enough".
The second predicament: loneliness and anxiety in interpersonal relationships
The significance of peer relationships in the hearts of teenagers often surpasses what parents might imagine. Being isolated, excluded, fearing being disliked, not knowing how to say no, and not finding a place in the group... These troubles can easily lead to low mood and even resistance to campus life.
Many children do not directly say "I have no friends at school", but instead express it as "I don't want to go to school", "I hate that classmate", or "I feel like no one in the class likes me". What parents need to do is not to rush to teach their children "you need to be more proactive", but to first acknowledge their loneliness, analyze specific situations with them, and seek professional psychological support if necessary. Don't simply attribute social difficulties to "introversion".
The third level of neglect: "emotional invisibility" within the family
Compared to scolding, neglect is more subtle and widespread. Parents are busy with work and only ask about grades when they come home, not about feelings; when children express their emotions, they are interrupted with the phrase "Don't think so much";
In a tense family atmosphere, children learn to read between the lines and keep their thoughts to themselves. Children who have been emotionally neglected for a long time are prone to developing the belief that "my feelings are not important". They may appear sensible and independent on the surface, but deep down, they feel extremely insecure, and in the long run, they are more likely to encounter emotional and interpersonal difficulties.
Change doesn't have to be earth-shattering. Just ten minutes a day to truly put down your phone and listen, or a simple "How are you feeling today?" to show care, can provide great psychological nourishment.
These three dilemmas often occur in an intertwined manner:
A child who is not listened to in the family often finds it harder to build confidence among peers; a child who experiences setbacks in interpersonal relationships and is further ignored at home will continuously deepen their self-doubt.
Therefore, parents should learn to observe comprehensively - if a child exhibits persistent low mood, obvious avoidance of social interaction, frequent self-denial, resistance to schooling, and other situations that persist for a long time and affect daily life, it is recommended to seek professional psychological assessment in a timely manner.
Psychological distress is neither a character flaw nor a trivial matter that can be resolved simply by "thinking positively". It requires scientific recognition and gentle response.
When adolescents are troubled by long-term emotional and interpersonal psychological issues, they can seek help from professional psychological clinics. Hainan Chengmei Hospital has established an Adolescent Mental Health Clinic, where Professor Su Zhaoxia regularly provides consultations. With extensive clinical experience in adolescent psychology, she can offer services such as psychological assessments and interventions, providing standardized psychological support for adolescents in Hainan. She helps children find a balance between self-confidence and self-doubt, and enables them to be seen again in the dilemmas of interpersonal relationships and family.
Expert Introduction
Professor Su Zhaoxia is currently a specially-appointed expert at the Adolescent Mental Health Clinic of Hainan Chengmei Hospital. She was once fully sponsored by the China Scholarship Council to serve as an international visiting and research scholar at the Department of Clinical Psychology of Western Michigan University and the Institute of Mental Health at Columbia University in New York. She has long been engaged in research in the fields of clinical psychology and mental health, and is committed to introducing foreign psychotherapy techniques and mental health concepts to China.
Specialization
Diagnosis and treatment of anxiety, depression, insomnia disorders, common mental and psychological issues among children and adolescents, as well as various psychosomatic diseases, with a particular focus on psychological intervention and comprehensive treatment for emotional and behavioral issues, learning difficulties, and family education among adolescents. Possesses extensive clinical diagnosis and treatment experience.
Adolescent Mental Health Clinic
The Adolescent Mental Health Clinic at Hainan Chengmei Hospital is led by Professor Su Zhaoxia. It integrates resources from multiple disciplines, including psychological assessment, psychotherapy, and psychiatry, and has established a collaborative platform for mental health experts both within the island and across the country.
The outpatient department provides precise, standardized, and individualized diagnosis and treatment for adolescent psychological issues, explores a one-stop mental health service model, helps patients and families save time and economic costs, and comprehensively protects the spiritual oasis of adolescents, escorting their healthy growth.
【 Visit Time 】
October 30th (Friday), 8:00-12:00
[Visit location]
Hainan Chengmei Hospital Seventh Consultation Area (Adolescent Mental Health Clinic)